Important Endorsements

The last week of the campaign is now upon us and here at the "Vote for Bart" campaign headquarters we are doing all we can to secure a victory. I'm pretty sure that my campaign staff has secured the Domino's Pizza endorsement based upon the number of pizza boxes I found in the trash this morning. But that's just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. Why just this past week, we have obtained the endorsements of several other key individuals and groups and, I believe, that may be just enough to push us over the bar.

To give you a flavor for the kinds of endorsements we have received, let me drop a few names. The energy industry is solidly behind us now with key endorsements from D. Haddox, CEO with Ixxon, Inc. and P. Jensen, CFO of Archie Coal.

[aside to one of the campaign staff] What's that? You don't believe Haddox is the CEO?

Excuse me for a moment while I take care of a small matter of an overly ambitious fact checking accountant.

Okay. So technically, my staff tells me, I can't call Haddox the CEO just because he is a Continental Exploration Operative nor am I allowed to call Jensen the CFO when he is a Coal Finding Overseer, but I don't see why not. And they want me to point out that technically neither of them has endorsed me, but they are among my Facebook friends. However, these are minor details that don't really matter because of all the other endorsements the campaign has received. Here's a short list of just a few of them.

A. Wilde -- Popular newspaper writer and future national bestselling author

T. Johnson -- Renowned child psychologist and a shoe in for mother of the year

C. Humphreys -- Director of the Northern Utah Chapter of Grandmother's of America

L. Collyer -- La Canada California Branch of WOAL (pronounced like "wool" it's the Wives of American Lawyers society; a very appropriate name since a lawyer might be able to pull the wool over a judge's eyes now and then, but not over their wives, who see right through them)

I. Orr -- President of the Ridgecrest Chapter of the National Family History Association

K. and J. Zimbelman -- Co-chairs of AWADADL (pronounced Ah-wah-dah-dal, the Accountant's Wives and Daughters Anti-Defamation League)

J. Mower -- Winner of the "I've seen more places in Utah than anyone else" award for ten years running

M. Stephenson -- Acclaimed Hollywood costume designer and movie star (I know for a fact that she was the reason most people went to see High School Musical XXVIII)

S. Hicks -- I'm not sure what organization she represents, but I understand that she represents them with great enthusiasm

B. Stephenson -- Famous musician and song writer, well known for his superb artistic interpretation of any music written for the ukelele

J. C. Kowallis -- World renowned for her research on pre-scholastic movement and music published in the highest quality venues. (This was a difficult endorsement to pull off, but when my staff threatened to publicly reveal that she is also this candidate's wife, she...what do you mean, I wasn't supposed to say that...oh, yes...well just ignore that last remark about her being the wife of anyone.)

At any rate, this is an impressive list of endorsements and there are more, my staff assures me, coming in the few days left before the election. So, we are quite upbeat here at campaign headquarters. And we just want to thank you all and encourage you to get out and "Vote for Bart!"

[If you have missed some of the earlier reports on the Vote for Bart campaign trail, you can find them in the archives: My Economic Plan, Election Endorsements, Campaign Fundraising, Ice Cream Politics, Politicians Love a Parade, Breaking News, Campaign Rumors, The Real Issues, Vote for Bart, Mr. President, The Cortisone Effect]