Thursday, November 3, 2011

Don't Be Too Hard On Herman!

[We join a news conference of the "Vote for Bart" campaign in progress]
REPORTER: So, why are you coming out in support of Mr. Cain this week, Professor?

PROFESSOR BART: My campaign staff wanted me to remain quiet, but I simply felt like I must speak out. As a fellow candidate for the 2012 Presidential election, I can sympathize with the problems that Herman Cain has been having. First, the man is going to be 66 years old this December. So, we need to be a little more understanding. It's hard for us of the older generation to remember why we left one room and wandered into another let alone things that happened several years ago. When Herman says he can't remember if it was one, two, or ten women that he harassed, why can't we just accept that statement instead of continuing to badger him. I think it's all a trumped up plot of the liberal news media anyway...or perhaps the campaigns of some of my other opponents...Rumney and Peery, most likely.

REPORTER: Don't you mean Romney and Perry?


REPORTER: I said, don't you mean Romney and Perry?

PROFESSOR BART: Oh...yes, Romney and Perry. But I thought we were talking about Harry Cahn's campaign and his trouble with smoking. I don't smoke myself, but if Harry wants to smoke in his ads, he ought to have the protection of the 35th amendment.

REPORTER: I'm sorry Professor, but did you mean Herman Cain? And I don't think there is a 35th amendment. And I thought we were discussing sexual harassment, not smoking.

PROFESSOR BART: I'm not sure why you keep changing the subject on me. Just typical news media tactics, I suppose. But let me be clear on this...I don't support sexual harassment, I have never been accused of it, and to be perfectly honest, I... (the professor pauses, leans over to his staffer standing next to him, and whispers: "Can you remind me what we were talking about.")

[If you have missed some of the earlier reports on the Vote for Bart campaign trail, you can find them in the archives: My Economic Plan, Election Endorsements, Campaign Fundraising, Ice Cream Politics, Politicians Love a Parade, Breaking News, Campaign Rumors, The Real Issues, Vote for Bart, Mr. President]

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