Here's what Really Happened with the Princess and the Pea

Princess Anna and the Pea (as well as the watermelon, the pig, and some other stuff)
(Another picture book story without the pictures - where's a good illustrator when you need one? Actually the illustration above is from Ashley Smith a wonderfully talented illustrator who lives in Salt Lake City, Utah)

Prince Stumpdillyumpton was sure Anna was a Princess. She was too pretty to be anything else.

“Father,” said the Prince, “I think we should invite Anna to stay. And there’s something else…I think she is really a Princess.”

“Very well,” said King Secundus. “We will invite her to stay, but you will have to give her the test.”

So, Anna stayed. She ate a huge dinner, chased the Prince’s cat around the castle, and even arm wrestled the Prince himself. The King and Queen watched her carefully. When it was time for bed, Anna was given the finest room in the castle with a bed made of one hundred of the softest mattresses in the kingdom. Under the bottom mattress the Prince placed one small pea.

“How did you sleep?” asked Prince Stumpdillyumpton the next morning.

“I slept better than a log,” said Anna, “but the bed seemed a little tall.”

“She’s no Princess,” said the King.

“She looks like a Princess,” said the Prince. “I think I should try the test again.”

So, Anna stayed. She ate a huge breakfast, showed the Prince how to catch worms, and then raced him around the castle for most of the afternoon. That night Anna slept on only fifty mattresses and they were not nearly the softest in the kingdom. Under the middle one the Prince placed a watermelon and a pig.

“So,” asked the Prince the next morning, “how did you sleep?”

“Oh, much better than even the night before,” said Anna as she started in on a huge plate of ham and eggs. "I even had an interesting dream about ham and melon sandwiches."

“Now do you believe me?” said the King.

“She still looks like a Princess. I think we should give her another chance,” said the Prince.

So, Anna stayed. After breakfast she showed the Prince how to skip rocks in the moat, where to find the best blackberries in the forest, and then accidentally gave him a black eye while trying to teach him how to box. That night, she was relieved to see that her bed was just one mattress stuffed with straw. Under it the Prince had placed an elephant, a small family of porcupines, and a troupe of circus jugglers.

“I guess you didn’t sleep too well,” said the Prince the next morning.

“But I did. In fact I think that was the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had,” said Anna.

“Are you convinced now?” said the King.

“Hmmm…” Prince Stumpdillyumpton thought for a moment. “She really does look like a Princess. I don’t think we’ve been using the right test.”

“Oh,” said the King. “What test would you recommend?”

“How about if we just call her father, King Primus, on the phone and ask him?”

The Real Story of the Princess and the Frog

HELLO, ARE YOU A FROG?
A picture book story, without the pictures

“What are you going to do today?” asked the King with a smile.

Princess Izzy thought for a moment. “I think I’ll catch a frog.”

“Eew! Frogs are ugly and they have germs. Stay away from frogs,” said, the Queen.

So, of course, the Princess went out to look for frogs. The only problem was, she’d never seen a frog before.

“Hello, are you a frog?” asked the Princess. [to a snake]

“Sssilly girl. Do I look like a frog?”
“Well, you are ugly,” said the Princess. “Do you have germs?”

“Yesssss, of course! Everybody hasss germsss.”

“Then you must be a frog,” said the Princess, and she took him into the castle.

“Eeeek!” screamed the Queen as she climbed up onto her throne. “A snake!”

“Yes, it is ugly,” said the King. “But frogs are slimy as well as ugly.”

“I thought something was missing,” said the Princess.

“Sssee you later,” said the snake as he slithered away.

So, the Princess went out to look for frogs. She found a slimy trail in the grass.
“Hello, are you a frog?” asked the Princess. [to a slug]

“Oh dear! I’m very sorry, Miss, but I am definitely not a frog.”

“But you are ugly and you are slimy. Can you give me some germs?” asked the Princess.
“I’d really rather not.”

“But if you’re ugly and slimy and germy, then you must be a frog,” said the Princess and she took him into the castle.

“Eeeek!” yelled the Queen as she ran off to her bedroom. “A slug!”

“Umm,” said the King. “It’s true that slugs are slimy and ugly. But frogs also have legs.”

“You could have told me that already,” said the Princess. But the King just smiled.

“Don’t bother to show me out,” said the slug as he slipped away.

So, Princess Izzy went out to look for frogs. She saw some green legs.

“Hello, are you a frog?” asked the Princess. [to a salamander]

“Get lost, girly! Don’t you know what frogs look like?”

“I think so,” said the Princess. “Frogs are ugly, slimy, and have legs just like you. I’ll bet you have germs too!”

“I may have a few. Why do you ask?”

But the Princess didn’t answer. She was sure this was a frog. She picked him up and took him into the castle.

“Eeeek!” cried the Queen as she ran off to the bathroom. “A salamander!”

“Well, he is ugly and slimy,” said the King, “and he does have legs. But he has a tail. Frogs don’t have tails.”

“Is there anything else you ought to tell me,” said the Princess.

“No, I think that should do it,” said the King with a smile.

“Better luck next time, kiddo!” said the salamander as he shuffled away.

So, the Princess went out to look for frogs. She looked and looked and looked and then…

“Hello, are you a frog?” asked the Princess. [to a frog]

“Hello, Princess,” said the frog. “How did you know it was me?”

“Well, you’re ugly.”

“Yes, I must admit that I am.”

“And you are slimy.”

“How true, how true.”

“You have legs.”

“One of my better features, don’t you think.”

“And you don’t have a tail,” said the Princess. “Do you have germs, by chance?”

“Not many.”

“Well, if you have germs and legs and slime and you’re ugly and you don’t have a tail, then you must be a frog.”

“I can’t deny it. I am a frog. Now do I get my kiss?” asked the frog.

“Kiss?”

“Certainly, why else would a princess want a frog? Frogs are made for kissing! Just one kiss and I will turn into a handsome Prince. Then we can get married and live happily ever after.”

“But I don’t want a Prince; I just want a frog. A Prince would be a boy, and boys are not nearly as much fun as frogs. Besides…I don’t think the Queen is afraid of boys,” said the Princess as she picked up the frog and headed back into the castle. [Queen is seen running from the frog]